A £5 reduction on preview tickets is on offer to ‘Independent’ readers to pay £20 for a

A £5 reduction on preview tickets is on offer to ‘Independent’ readers; to pay £20 for a £25 ticket, call the box office and quote the word ’scoop’. The offer is valid for this week’s preview performances only, up to and including 30 July. Blackout.’A Right Royal Farce’ is in preview at the King’s Head Theatre, London N1 (020-7226 1916; www.rightroyalfarce.co.uk), and runs to 27 August. You know, I sometimes think that if people knew what we were really like they might think we were slightly ridiculous. Charles looks round and realises he’s been talking to himself. What on earth are we going to do?Harry: You’ll find a solution, Dad You’re so clever Exit Harry Charles (alone on stage): Let’s hope so, Harry.

Let’s go and ask Tony Blair what the going rate is for a peerage They exit through the main doorway Charles: Oh God. How can I compete with a saint?Charles: Darling, I know he thinks the world of me, but I’m hardly a saint.Philip: She means Diana, you ass.Camilla: You can be so bloody insensitive sometimes.Philip (taking her arm): Come on. Camilla: Yes, it’s marvellous for Charles.William: For you both William drinks and the others drink too William rises and heads towards the exit. Charles: It’s what the people want.William: As long as you’re sure Exit William through main doorway. Charles: Well, that wasn’t too bad, was it?Camilla: It was awful Don’t you see? He’ll never accept me I’ll always be second best. He says you want the Coronation in four weeks.Philip: WHAT?!?Camilla (turning to Charles): Well, your father feels…Charles: The country needs something to celebrate. Everyone’s dreadfully upset about losing the Queen.Philip: It’s a Coronation, not a game of musical chairs.William (raising a glass to Camilla): Well, congratulations on your big day Camilla hastily picks up her glass and turns to Charles.

There’s a gap between them, but they aren’t quite at opposite ends. Charles (delighted): That’s better – and you might even move up a little They move – but away from each other Charles: Er.. right. Um, well – talk to anyone interesting in there, William?William: The Archbishop.Charles: Oh God. (Makes snoring noises.) Bit of a bore, isn’t he?William: Actually, he was quite interesting. Why are you two always so bloody formal? You’re not strangers any more We’re all one big happy family William tenses at this. William (inclining his head): Camilla.Camilla (inclining her head): William.Charles: Oh do stop this nonsense Sit down Relax Have a chat They sit on the sofa.

Camilla (curtseying): Your Royal Highness.Charles: Oh, for Heaven’s sake. Camilla and Philip laugh just as William comes in behind them, clutching a glass of champagne.Charles: Ah, William.William: Hi Dad Harry Grandpa (Noticing Camilla.) Your Royal Highness He bows. Loves riding and shooting.Philip: I’ll never look at another woman again.Camilla: And apparently she goes like the Flying Scotsman Pause Philip: A Duchess you say… (He salutes the portrait of Elizabeth with his glass.)Camilla: She’s got a filthy sense of humour. Charles: Don’t you like it? They continue to talk, but now we eavesdrop on Camilla and Philip.

Camilla (flicking through little black book): The Duchess of Hampshire She’s right up your street.Philip: What? No, no, no Out of the question Mark of respect and all that. Don’t want to give him a heart attack.Camilla (taking him by the arm): What you need is a woman closer to your own age. Someone in the prime of life.Philip: Oh really? (Glancing at Charles.) Can’t come up with the goods, eh?Camilla: No, silly. (Taking out a little black book.) Have you ever met the Countess of Grimsby?Philip: Sounds like a pub. They sit down on a sofa and chat, discussing possible dates for Philip. Charles: Harry, go and see if William’s behaving himself.Anoushka: I’ll go Exit Anoushka through the main door. Charles (to Harry): You bearing up OK? Try a bit of my new ethical sherry Made by non-violent offenders in an open prison Harry sniffs it warily Harry: Thanks, Dad.